True [Phresh]

Michael Jackson's Secret Son

2009-07-30T14:41:00.009-04:00

His name is Omer Bhatti. And while he may not be Michael's biological son, he definitely inherited the charisma of the pop icon. Rumors have infected the media and public spheres into believing that he is MJ's love child.

However, Omer revealed that he was decreed the "honorary" son by the prince himself after having such a close relationship with Michael from a young age. It's fun using "Kingly" terms when referring to Michael Jackson. It suits him.

Omer Bhatti is 25 years old and is apparently holding back an orgasm of talent. Nicknamed "Little Michael," expect to see Omer Bhatti resurfacing sometime in the near-future, hopefully carrying on his father's legacy and taking his dance moves to the next level - that is... if there is a next level.

Sources:

CultureShoq

If The Twitter Community Was 100 People...

2009-07-30T11:35:00.004-04:00

I think this snapshot is pretty awesome. If you tweet - then you might think it's pretty awesome too. But if you don't tweet - you're probably thinking "wow some people really don't have anything better to do." And if you do happen to have a Twitter account, but don't use it very much, there's a name for you too - dead. Don't take it too personally, you still have Facebook.

Bibliography (I site my work like a manly man - proper terminology and all)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/25541021@N00/ / CC BY-NC 2.0

Opportunize Your Environment

2009-07-20T19:26:00.007-04:00

I know it sounds like a simple idea, but you’d be surprised how many people, myself included, try to “land a hot chick” - for example – with what seems like hours of unproductive nervous flirting. The reality is… it’s only been 3 minutes, you’re drenched in your own man-sweat, and throwing out lines like “I only have eyes for you baby.” Yeah, I wish that worked because it reminds me of one of my friends - not me of course. I’m a hot stud-muffin. But if you are one of those people looking for an easier way - a smarter way to bring about vibrant and productive experiences, there is a better paradigm.

You can Optimize your Experiences if you Opportunize your Environment

There are opportunities all around us - it’s just that sometimes we have colossal items lodged up our asses and cannot realize this simple truth. Hopefully at the end of this wonderfully constructed post, you and I both will be able to have better life experiences by understanding how to opportunize our environment and unclog our asses. The first step is to identify what I like to call your Temporary-Living-Area or TLA.

Your TLA = Your Immediate Environment At That Moment.

After you’ve actually identified your TLA and usher in some much needed confidence, it is time to calibrate your personality to your environment. So what I mean is… adjust yourself to your environment so that opportunities come to you instead of the other way around.

You got 2 out of 3 steps down. You are aware of you’re environment and you've turned your swag on (confidence). Now, there is just one thing missing. What is it? You have to set yourself up for success by adapting to your environment. The only way you can do this, is if you…

Know your Goal - Know your Target - Take the Action.

Hopefully it’ll become like second-nature to you, but it’ll be easier to see if written like below.

Identify Your TLA
Turn Your Swag On. (Take a look in the mirror say wassup)
Know your Goal – Know your Target – Take the Action

This can work for anything. So let’s say you decide you want to go on a Safari in the jungles of the Amazon. Half way through the Safari, everything goes wrong. Your guide drowned in a sand pit, your group of 20 explorers are lost in the Amazon, and then suddenly a hungry lion appears. What do you do? Okay, so now that you’ve decided that you’re going to Opportunize Your Environment, this is what your thoughts should look like:

Okay so I have to identify the damn TLA. Uhhh I’m in the Amazon in some remote jungle and a lion is going to eat me?!?! Why the hell are there lions in South America? Whatever, I gotta get through this. Okay I got step one down. I’m in the Amazon Forest, there are dangerous animals threatening to eat me. I'm scared. What’s step 2 ?
Turn my f*cking swag on. Okay I’m a baller. I can do this. I’m gonna do this damnit. Okay... Okay time for step 3.
Get out alive - Kill the f*cking lion – Let’s do this. Okay, so how can I use my environment to kill the lion? Maybe I can use this vine to strangle the lion. Hmmm okay so I probably won’t be able to kill the lion. But there’s gotta be a way to distract the beastly feline. Oh look a wild boar. I got it! I’ll kill the wild boar because its definitely easier than killing a lion and then hopefully the lion will feast on the wild boar and we will all live happily ever after. It’s a long shot, but maybe it’ll work.

Okay so maybe that wasn’t the best example, but OYE (Opportunizing Your Environment) is definitely something you should think about before you decide to go on a date, inquire about a job, take a test, or escape from the reaches of a dangerous wild animal. Whatever your circumstance, OYE should be able to prevent you from panicking and provide you with a plan of action.

Now, if I could just follow my own advice… i would be a baller

The Twitter Revolution - Should You Be TweetIng?

2009-07-07T09:29:00.016-04:00

So if you haven't jumped on the Tweetrain just yet, allow me to elaborate.

Twitter is like instant blogging. You don't have to do shit. It takes the fun out of writing and the effort out of posting blogs. However, some celebrities have found ways to still make me laugh with great one-liners. My favorites? I would have to say Stephen Colbert and Tina Fey. Dry humor just gets me.

"Tweeting" [the thing that you do, when you use Twitter] is definitely not for everyone. Its great for celebrities because everyone listens to them and cares so much about what they have to say. But if you're just some guy named Jeramiah living somewhere in Luxembourg, who the hell cares what you're saying? Riddle me that.

So for all you people who can't decide whether you should twitter or not, I've answered some Frequently Asked Questions to help you decide for yourself.

What the hell is twitter?

- Twitter is a free social networking/messaging utility for staying connected in real-time

Okay... Well, what the hell does that mean?

- It's like Facebook on Pot. All mellowed down and chill. Forget all the poking, excessive wall posting, videos, photos, and outrageous groups. All you gotta do is put up one picture of yourself, and update your status whenever you want.

Does tweeting make me a bird?

- No, birds chirp. If you tweet; that means you use twitter and enjoy updating your status every time you take a massive dump in a public bathroom and feel the need to tell everyone you know.

Are there any benefits to using Twitter?

-Sure. All jokes aside, it really is a great way to reach a large audience. If you're a political maniac or enjoy expressing your opinion about anything, you should be tweeting right now instead of vandalizing school property with your Controversial Graffiti Art.

Twitter still sounds like it's for losers, What else you got?

-Well, you can link your phone to twitter, making it easier for you to communicate to all of your "followers" [friends on twitter] with one simple status update or "tweet."

What if I like writing on other people's walls?

- Hmmm. Well you can still direct message people which is like your Facebook Inbox. Only you can see those particular messages. You can also direct your tweet to someone specific by typing "@type-your-friend's-username-here" followed by your status update. Anyone can see that message, but it is more personalized in the sense that you're prompting your friend to respond to your update. Meaning you can still have a ghetto facebook wall-to-wall conversation.

Can Twitter get annoying?

- Of course it can... If you choose to follow people who update their shit 25 times a day. My advice: just don't follow them.

How do I sign up?

- So you wanna sign up huh. I knew I could convince you. Twitter me that!

Well it's really easy. Just click the link below to register. It's really quick.

Join Twitter

Idioms - The "RichText" of Global Cultures

2009-07-07T00:39:00.023-04:00

Idioms hold a special place in languages all around the world. They make you feel inferior when they're from your own language and you don't understand them. I know I feel pretty stupid. Or at least curious. In the past, my parents always spoke in Hindi [my mother tongue] when they didn't want me to understand certain things. At the moment, I thought it was about stuff my virgin mind didn't need to worry about. I was all about cotton candy and lollipops.

And then all of a sudden, without warning my allowance was cut in half - that's when I figured out what they were talking about. Go figure. We were poor. And just like that no more cotton candy.

I like to find some humor in my impoverished childhood. I know what you're thinking... he's gonna make fun of poor people and thats messed up. Well Hey! ... I lived it. So, I'm allowed. Its kinda like black people and how they can say...

Yeah so where was I? Poverty ... that's right.

Sometimes we didn't have food. So we ate Ramen Noodles dammit. That's what poor people do.

Sometimes we didn't have flavor in our food. Actually, we never had flavor in our food. We couldn't afford ranch dressing. Ketchup packets were always free... so I ate almost everything with ketchup. I vividly remember eating stale carrots with ketchup. Can carrots get stale? Who the hell knows. They tasted stale. And dammit, I was gonna dip them in ketchup if I wanted.

Don't get me wrong - I loved my childhood - it just felt like I was re-living Darwin's Theory of Natural Selection. Survival of the fittest.

I digress.

Back to Exotic Idioms from around the world.

What is an idiom?...

Wikipedia defines an idiom as a phrase that cannot be determined by the literal definition of the phrase itself, but refers instead to a figurative meaning that is known only through common use e.g. It's a small world

Things you should know...

Idioms are unique to different cultures and contribute to the richness of a language

Idioms Usually do not cross language boundaries.

Idioms are the hardest things to pick up when learning a new language

Here is a list of interesting idioms/slang from different languages...

Wiggle your bucket [in Mexican Spanish] means to dance

Elegant lion [in Hindi] means attractive woman

To get one's eyes stolen [in Japanese] means to be dazzled

Ahahana! [in Hawaiian Pidgin/Slang] means Shame on you! You're gonna get it!

You come eat my house [in Hawaiian Pidgin/Slang] is A dinner invitation

Taxed [in Hawaiian Pidgin/Slang] means Mugged

You like beef? [in Hawaiian Pidgin/Slang] means Would you like to fight?

To be born with a silver spoon in the mouth [in Hindi] means to be born rich

To smell milk in the mouth [in Turkish] means to be innocent

To become a goat [in French] means to become extremely angry

Chinese Whispers [in British English] means to gossip

To hang oneself [in Mexican Spanish] means to get married

I really like that last one.

Lost in Translation:

Coca Cola first entered the Chinese market with a string of Mandarin characters that was pronounced as "ko-ka-ko-la" This literally translated into phrases like "female horse fastened with wax" and "bite the wax tadpole." Eventually, Coca Cola formulated the group of characters "K'o K'ou K'o Lê," which loosely translates into "To make the mouth happy."

Mistranslations happen everyday and cause many problems. But that doesn't mean we can't laugh at them.

Flying Through Airport Security Efficiently

2009-07-01T16:40:00.032-04:00

I hate it when I'm going through airport security and the metal detector goes off. Sometimes I pray when I'm walking through it. But that's only because I have an unusual last name, brown skin, and hair growing out of my chin. That combination sucks and you know it.

The point is... I end up spending much more time going through airport security because I don't prepare for it. Maybe you have a last name that rhymes with Shbin Shladen or maybe you forgot to shave and happen to be wearing an odd looking turban - Whatever your situation is, you won't be able to dodge airport security. However, you can prepare yourself to speed up the process. Included, are some reminders to help you prepare for the flight itself.

Here are some healthy tips to remember:

1) Shave

2) Make sure your carry-on bag does not contain sharp objects and other things that might be considered dangerous like dynamite (it's happened before)

3) Wear pants that fit snug on your waistline (no belt)

4) Check the weather, so you can dress appropriately

5) Leave your religious paraphernalia at home

6) Wear easy-to-remove shoes

7) Don't make small talk with others before going through airport security

8) Use the restroom before getting to the airport security line

9) Pack efficiently (place possibly-prohibited objects on top)

10) Have your frequent-flyer miles on hand

11) Inquire about exit seats, so you can make a faster getaway (the extra leg-room doesn't hurt either)

12) Keep your important documents, identification papers, and plane tickets close by. Make sure they are in a secure location, but accessible to you

13) If you bring medicine, it needs to be in its original packaging

14) Drink water. Dehydration is more likely to occur at higher altitudes

15) During long flights, take walks form time to time to keep your blood circulating in your legs

16) To avoid jetlag, set your watch to the timezone of your destination

17) To get your food first on the flight, order a "special meal" via online booking e.g. Kosher

18) Last but not least, if you have kids, bring sedatives. Works like a charm.

Websites To Checkout Before Flying:

- Seat Guru

- Transportation Security Administration

*compiled with the help of Dilan Patel and Atse Theodros

A Glimpse Of The 4-Hour Workweek

2009-06-30T02:38:00.011-04:00

I admit, I stole the title of my post from Timothy Ferriss, the author of the book The 4-Hour Workweek.

"ESCAPE 9-5, LIVE ANYWHERE, AND JOIN THE NEW RICH."

Sounds like something that has been on many minds lately. The question seems to be... is it possible? Well the only way you're going to know... is if you read the book. I just picked it up today, after passing it by many times before at various bookstores and listening to friends rave about it.

The idea is tremendously revolutionary and the information can be extremely powerful if put into action. Although I haven't started the book just yet, the information about the author on the inside flap says it all. Timothy Ferriss is described as the "ultravagabond" and speaks 6 different languages. He runs a multinational firm from different locations around the globe and is a national champion in Chinese kickboxing along with a world record holder in tango. What A baller indeed.

If you haven't already heard of this book, chances are you are a political prisoner locked up in some foreign cellar feeding on rats. Unless, you think reading a book is the worst investment of your time. In that case, don't think of it as just a book, think of it as your lifeline.

Please add your 2 cents or let me know what I'll be expecting...

The Shortest Bucket List of Extreme Adventures

2009-06-23T02:29:00.010-04:00

Sometimes our lives are so ordinary, its just not normal. I know that doesn't make too much sense. But just think about it for a second. Life is supposed to be spontaneous and crazy. Well it kinda sucks right now. So I'm just thinkin' out loud here...

Wouldn't it be cool to...

1. Skydive

-Yeah I know its overrated. But its really not, people just say stuff like "Yeah, uh, I'm going skydiving next weekend... you should come... its like jumping on a trampoline but just higher, and you don't jump, you just fall" Yeah you fall 15,000 feet at a speed of 120 mph. And if it is your first time, your instructor basically humps you from behind, while you get to sample as many species of insects as you can catch between your teeth. Quite exhilarating indeed.

2. Trek Through A Safari In Tanzania

-There's just something about the word Safari that is just so cool. Don't you just want to say it out loud because its such a great combination of sexy syllables. Its as if your having a wild orgy in your vocal cords and no one knows. You would never get bored on a Safari because you could just act like Bear Grylls and jump into the nearest sandtrap to show everyone that you can get out. And just like that, boredom vanished. Then you realize that you're not Bear Grylls and you haven't had Navy Seal Training and you die. But at least everyone around you is entertained. That is, until a stampede of wildebeest trample everyone in sight. I still think a Safari in Tanzania would be cool.

3. Dive The Great Barrier Reef

- It would be pretty gnarly yo see what might be the last of the world's coral reefs. There are about 1500 species of fish and loggerhead turtles. The only thing that would suck is if its turtle mating season. I'm unaware of the migration patterns for turtles, but what if they just started mating right there under sea. Thousands of turtles floating around you, humping each other. Don't be surprised if you have one on your leg.

4. Surf the Banzai Pipeline

- This is the most dangerous, yet awesomely bodacious surfing spot in the world. The waves are steep and powerful and the shallow water and coral shelf are unforgiving. Even the pros have a hard time avoiding injury in the form of broken bones and lacerations. The reason its called "The Pipeline" is because the combination of the shallow water and coral shelf allow for tubular-shaped waves that resemble pipes. Okay so maybe it would be better if I learned how to boogie-board before I try to claim my name to fame on some of the most awesome waves on the map. In fact, I might just lay on a hammock somewhere on the North Shore while sipping girly drinks and just tell everyone that I surfed the Banzai Pipeline. Works for me.

5. Base Jump In A Wingsuit Off The Mountains In France

- If you really want to fly like Peter Pan... you can. Being in a wingsuit is like being a fighter jet. Wingsuit flying is one of the most radical of extreme sports and can be pretty dangerous. Even the slightest of winds can set off turbulence and has a very likely chance of killing you. You fly at over 100 mph and "catch air" while basically hovering down the slope of the mountain. It would be pretty awesome to essentially fly down a mountain, but only the really skilled and prepared can accomplish it flawlessly. I would love to someday be one with the birds.

How to Live Healthy When Its Most Important

2009-06-22T16:40:00.013-04:00

Staying Healthy Through Your Teenage and College Years

First off, college definitely doesn’t help. The drinking, the freedom, the classes… they all contradict staying healthy through the heart of your growth period. Let me outline it for you…

Freedom (to eat whatever you want)

- Forget Mom’s home-cooked meals. You got Fast-Food joints on every corner, not to mention local restaurants, and did I mention Taco Bell? … that place is not Fast-Food. It’s Divine (cheap, filling, and conveniently located everywhere).

-“Freshman 15” is not even a valid college-myth… well at least in my case… it was more like Freshman 24. I weighed 150 lbs coming in as a freshman and now I weigh an artery-clotting 174 lbs.

Drinking

-Beer (need I say more)

Classes

-Am I the only one who eats in-between study breaks? In fact, I feel like I’m a hamster on a treadmill with a big piece of crunch-wrap supreme dangling in front of my nocturnal eyes.

-Crack/Cocaine is addictive and so is Food. And at 3 o’clock in the morning when you’re “studying” for that exam the next morning, all you need is a fix to keep you going… along with a 5-hour energy shot of course.

So now that I’ve outlined “How Everything Possible Can Go Wrong and Work Against Your Slim Waist-Line or At Least Averagely Chubby Waist-Line,” I think I’ll address the title.

Okay, so maybe everything didn’t go according to plan. There’s still hope yet…

Damage Control

- Buy or Borrow a book. Do not buy a book about Diets. Diets may help you lose weight, but they will not help you live a healthy lifestyle. If you want to lose weight and then gain it all back in a matter of months, a Diet would be great for you. Instead, pick up a book concerning Healthy Eating, Exercise, or Healthy Living in general. This will help you make better decisions on a daily basis. Even if you think reading causes you to lose valuable brain cells, carrying around a reminder that you’re fat will only help you to stay on task.

- Cut down on fast-food and try cooking for yourself and others. Getting other people involved in your transformation will only give you the support to continue on your path. This could be as simple as eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast and cooking pasta for dinner.

- Stop drinking soda, artificial fruit juices, and anything else that has “high fructose corn syrup” on the Ingredients Label. You will see results immediately if you replace water with beverages high in sugar.

Now that we’ve assessed damage control, its finally time to think long-term…

Exercise

- Cardio: Running, Swimming, Rollerblading, Skateboarding, Walking Vigorously, Playing Sports, and anything else that requires you to get your heart pumping for at least 20-30 minutes will keep your calorie count in check.

- Weightlifting: People who use the excuse “my metabolism is slow” to justify their love handles and baggage of lard, most likely eat more than they should and don’t exercise on a consistent basis. Having a slow metabolic rate is very rare and most times is a serious medical condition that has to do with an enlarged Thyroid. In fact, if you’re fat or “big-boned” as others like to call it, that might mean you have a faster metabolism because your body has to work more than the average individual to carry out daily activities. Weightlifting helps generate more muscle mass, which in turn burns more fat.

- Fat doesn’t turn into muscle. When you lift weights, you generate more muscle fibers, which help you increase your metabolism. So while you’re gaining muscle mass, you’re also burning fat tissue even when your body is at rest. It gives the illusion that your fat is turning into muscle. Indirectly yes, but it’s a bit more complicated.

*Therefore, a consistent workout that includes a combination of both weightlifting and cardiovascular exercise is the optimal way to start shedding those calories. Remember consistency is key. 20 minutes of weightlifting and 20 minutes of cardio will go a long way if you keep at it.

Note:

*This is only for the strong-willed. If you're a sissy, you won't be able to keep up. This will be a long journey and you may not see drastic improvements right away. Being consistent and keeping a strong regimen will help.

*You will learn that living healthy is just a system of checks and balances between consistent exercise, healthy eating, and a sharp state of mind.

No Hope for the Human Race

2009-06-19T09:40:00.005-04:00

At times I am at awe of the lack of determination in the human race. Here are some observations...

1) Student at College Library notices the computer he's working on is not level with his eyes. Student decides to raise the computer to a more comfortable level by using the adjustable mount made just for these circumstances. Computer does not adjust right away and slides back into midget-pose. Student gives up.

2) Hungry Individual at Cafe goes to buy a bagel. Comes back with a Chipotle Grilled Chicken Salad and a Cinnamon Raisin Bagel. Hungry Individual eats the salad and decides to save the bagel for later. Hungry Individual notices hot girl observing his every move. In the attempt to look like "a man with a plan," Hungry Individual forgets to pick up a plastic knife to ready his bagel for consumption at a later time. 2 hours later, Hungry Individual eats a dry bagel. Hungry Individual failed to recognize that his finger could have been used as a spreading utensil.

3) Fat Professor takes a crap in university bathroom stall. After relieving himself of pounds of brown shit, Fat Professor realizes there is no toilet paper left for his steaming ass. F.P. acknowledges that he is too fat and shy to ask the person in the adjacent stall for some desperately needed double-pleated toilet paper. 6 hours later, F.P. has taught two classes, proctored a test, and taken the bus home all with leftover turd in his ass.

4) Lonely Soccer Mom is waiting in oversized minivan, while kids Jerry, Harry, and Barry are playing junior soccer in a tournament. Lonely Soccer Mom has a long 2 hours ahead of her before her kids will be done playing. Realizing this, L.S.M. takes a sleeping pill to induce a nap to pass the time. 5 hours later L.S.M. wakes up in a panic to find that her kids are safe at home. L.S.M.'s friend dropped off the kids at the request of Tired Office Dad. L.S.M still drowzy from the effects of the sleeping pill, spends the night passed out, now in a fetal position in the backseat.

How to Suit Up! With a New Style - The Best of Underground Clothing

2009-05-09T20:25:00.027-04:00

If you're looking for something out of the ordinary then do something out of the ordinary. And if you want to do something out of the ordinary, you might as well suit up with the right threads. But make sure you can pull it off first...

The Top Guns in Underground Clothing

Freshjive

Style: Edgy West Coast

Influence: Surfing/Punk/Hip-hop/Graffiti

For: The Extreme

Obey

Style: Controversial

Influence: Politics/Hip-hop

For: The Well-Informed

Crooks & Castles

Style: Profane

Influence: Guns/Wealth/Politics/Hip-hop

For: The Underdog Villain

Artful Dodger

Style: Colorful & Eccentric

Influence: 18th century Rebels/Rogue Status Personalities rejecting Modern Society

For: The Skillful Rebel

WESC

Style: "Streetwise"

Influence: Skateboard Culture

For: The Intellectual Slacker

Triple 5 Soul

Style: Vibrant/Urban/Abstract

Influence: New York City Street Culture

For: The Vivid City-Goer

Imaginary Foundation

Style: Creative and Eccentric

Influence: Science/Academia/Outer-Space

For: The Standout

Alphanumeric

Style: Simplistic Street-wear

Influence: Hip-Hop/Extreme Sports

For: The Laid-Back Extrovert who has nothing to prove

Rocksmith

Style: Flashy/Raw

Influence: Quintessential Hip-Hop/Global Culture

For: The Trendsetter

Mighty Healthy

Style: Conveying Messages

Influence: DJ/Skateboard Culture

For: The Accomplished

7 for all mankind

Style: Chic/Smooth/Ultra-Modern

Influence: The Need for quality Denim

For: The Sophisticate

iPod Ignition - The Future of Transportation

2009-04-19T12:15:00.012-04:00

Is it finally time? After enlightening us with the"i" trademark products featuring an mp3 player, phone, television, and software beyond any normal creative expectations, is it finally time for Mr. Jobs to reform the automarket with the iCar?

Not Yet. But it is definitely not out of the question as we see higher iPod integration in Chrysler's newest prototype: The Peapod. A sleek mini smart car that has GEM changing its name from Global Electric Motors to "Green Eco Mobility." This electrically charged automobile will travel up to 30 miles at 25 mph on an 8 hour charge from a household electrical outlet. While the bumper and headlights create the illusion of a smiley face, the car itself is made out of recycled materials.

As far as iPod integration goes. You can use your iPod to play music, see how much money your saving on a green meter by measuring efficiency, and start up your car. Thats right, the Peapod has exclusive software to turn your iPod into a key. No need to throw away the traditional key startup method. Both ways can be used and are both secure and safe, however the iPod ignition is just so much easier than burning those precious calories you would be losing while turning your wrist 156 degrees to the right.

The Peapod went on sale for $12,000 on Earth Day only on peapodmobility.com.

Welcome Spiel

2009-03-10T17:22:00.007-04:00

Here at "True[phresh]" we are here to culminate a style unique to our river-like-flowing culture. That is, an exceptional style of living that meshes the diverse elements of popular culture and the urban vibe to offer

a [phresh] stroke of paint on the canvas of life.

We are here to stimulate the making of a clear-cut paradigm that is as cool as a [phresh] breath of winter air.

Simplistic in nature and consistent in style.

Here at "True[Phresh]" we want you to know that you are your own culture. Do not be the person that falls into a bracket… on a chic style-chart… in an upscale conference room… on some 34th street.

Be Fresh. Or better yet

Be [Phresh].

[Phresh] stroke of paint my ass.

Lesson # 1:

All the above is complete bullshit.